Category Archives: psychology

GTHS (Grand Theft Ham Sandwich)

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No idea how it go there - honestly!

No idea how it go there – honestly!

What is that ham sandwich doing there?

Waiting to be eaten?

Yes, but how did it get there?

I have no idea. I just woke up and it was there. Anyway, it’s a ham and cheese sandwich.

You stole it from next door.

Well, sort of. I prefer to think of it as providing it with some company. It did look rather lonely and in need of attention.

I am actually rather impressed you didn’t eat it straight away.

I was waiting for permission…

Hmm. Well, you may as well go ahead as I don’t think the original owner will want it now.

 

 

Winter is coming

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Catching the sun

Catching the sun

Hey there good looking boy!

Me? I am good looking?

Oh yes you most certainly are.

Wow, thanks. Actually it’s not that important to me.

Hmm. You are almost purring with delight at my compliment.

Purring? What’s that?

It’s what cats do when they are contented.

A cat? Where? You said CAT! I’ll chase it.

NOOOO! It’s just, just a figure of speech.

Oh. For a moment there I thought there really was one.

Well, as the subject of chasing has come up maybe we should discuss the subject of cow chasing.

You were really cross weren’t you?

Yes silly boy I most certainly was. You could get into a lot of trouble for doing that. Luckily the cows were not concerned. The manager might not be so uninterested.

I can’t help it. It’s just something I have to do.

Like barking. You have to do that too.

Yes! It’s fun too!

Not for me it’s not. It’s very tiring.

That’s because you aren’t a dog.

You don’t say. Jenni and Tina and Kim didn’t gratuitously bark.

Gratuitously. Big word that. What does it mean?

Doing something just for the sake of doing it.

So am I sitting in the sun gratuitously?

No, I don’t think so. You like the warmth now that it’s getting cooler.

I think I get it. Well, maybe not. It’s not serious. But I am good looking aren’t I?

It’s not funny

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not funny2This is really not funny.

Why? I think it’s quite amusing that you are bothered by a squeaky box.

Boxes are not meant to squeak like that.

They are when you blow in them.

Please don’t, my ears don’t like it.

It’s only a toothpaste box!

You obviously just don’t understand. You are evidently not a dog.

But Kharma is a dog and she doesn’t mind.

That’s Kharma. I am Zak.

 

 

The Wuss

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You are pathetic, a WUSS of note!

But you don’t know how terrifying cotton wool and betadine can be!

You, a lion hunter, are scared of cotton wool and betadine?

Oh yes, yes! It’s psychological torture.

Just as well we had to leave you behind when we went to Mana Pools then. We saw a real lion.

That’s different, I can handle lions.

Oh right, you can just about handle the next door cat.

It’s the next door bitch I want to handle! But I don’t know how…

Yes dear Zak, you have been fixed to avoid that. Unfortunately you persist in trying and have torn your shoulder getting through the fence. Hence the betadine. Come here…

Nooooooooo!

The terror of cotton wool and betadine etched all over his face

The terror of cotton wool and betadine etched all over his face

Waking up the human

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Just pondering...

Just pondering…

It’s getting lighter earlier these days and I cannot see why my human should be asleep when I want to get up! Here are my tips on getting humans out of bed.

1. Yawn. Make it loud and theatrical. It’s a good subtle starter, not too extreme.

2. Lick. Anywhere will do – whatever works for you. Licking the other dog is OK too. Drives my human scatty.

3. Scratch. Most effective when you “miss” and thump your leg on the bed.

4. Get off the bed. A goodie this one as it creates a sense of panic – “He must be desperate, is he going to go in the passage?”. It works well in my bedroom as there is a trunk at the foot of the bed (to help me get onto the bed – thoughtful my human) and it makes a nice hollow thump as I get off.

5. Start a play fight with the other dog. The other dog likes to sleep in so this is not so effective for me.

6. Combine any or all of the above.

I usually start these tactics when the alarm goes off – hey, I like to help out where I can but this morning I started a good half  hour before that. Well, I’m a Ridgeback and we like to be a bit individual. I dont’ recommend this sort of thing on Sundays – it can provoke a bit of a “reaction” and Sundays are bone-days and we don’t want to compromise that do we?

I welcome feedback and any new ideas – so come on guys, lets collaborate on this one shall we?