Category Archives: dogs

The witching hour

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Parents of human children tell that over time they learn to identify the various screams and what they mean. A frustrated scream; give me my toy back. An annoyed scream; I don’t like what you are doing. I’ve fallen down cry; might need intervention after you’ve finished your cup of tea. A broken bone scream; rare, but needs intervention now. But when there is silence is when the real mischief is happening.

As a parent of doggy children I’ve learnt to identify the various puppy sounds. The excited, let’s play bark. The frustrated I want your bone bark replied by a don’t get too close to my bone growl. The clatter of the broom being dragged from the cupboard (sacrifice it in the name of minimal damage). The crack and pop of my ventolin inhaler cap being destroyed; requires limited intervention to rescue the cartridge. But the real damage is done during periods of silence. This is the witching hour sometime between 6 a.m. and 7 a.m.

Yes, that’s when I have the most fun (until you come and spoil it)!

The culprits

The culprits

Farm dog

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Are we going now?

Are we going now?

It’s fun being a farm dog.

Why’s that?

I get to ride in the back of a pickup and put my head out of the window and get my ears flapping and smell interesting things.

And fall out.

Um, yes that did happen. Once.

I hope that’s the last time. Just as well I was watching and saw it coming.

Oh, and I get to eat interesting things.

We  won’t go into that!

Space

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Look, we kept your space for you.

Look, we kept your space for you (the old bed).

So what do you think of the new bed?

Oh, it’s a really nice mattress with memory foam and all that.

No, I meant do you appreciate the extra space on top.

It’s bigger?

Yes, wider by a whole 15cm and longer by 20cm. I actually bought it for me.

Oh. Well it is nice and firm.

Great. I thought you’d appreciate that. Now will you move over, please!

This is the new mattress? We like it!

This is the new mattress? We like it!

Eye of the hurricane

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A moment of calm

A moment of calm

They say the calm Is before the storm
And the eye of the hurricane is quiet.
But little Zak has the will
And time to kill,
So be alert for the puppy
Who is quiet!

Aw, that’s nice. You’ve written me a poem!

No, I have written a poem ABOUT you. I don’t think you really understand it.

It doesn’t matter, YOU’VE WRITTEN ME A POEM!

All right, all right. I wrote a song about Jenni once.

To music?

No, I don’t have that sort of talent.

But Jeanette does!

Yes, remind me when she gets back from South Africa. She’s not too well at the moment.

That’s OK, I’ll give her a big wet kiss to feel better!

Lawd a’mercy. Just remember to wash your tongue first, I know where it’s been.

In trouble

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I am in trouble, aren’t I?

Oh yes. Why did you have to disassemble my electric razor?

Well. It sort of had that chewable appeal.

But it was NOT chewable!

No, not really. Can you fix it? You seem to be good at fixing things.

It depends if I can find the missing parts. No, I am not going to follow you all day to see if you ate them.

I don’t think I ate anything. I am not that bad! You shouldn’t have left it where I could get to it.

Oh thanks for shifting the blame.

Well even you should know the motto; Never in the field of puppy-kind has so much destruction been wrought by one so small in such a short time.

Where did you hear that?

Oh, somewhere. What does “wrought” mean?

Done. Past tense.

Oh, well,  you will get over it. Anyway, I did have a good afternoon at the microlight club didn’t I? I met a Jack Russell with an attitude, some other dogs, those girls who like to play with me and those funny other looking things that look like they should be chased.

Goats. They are goats. Yes, it was a good afternoon.

Running with Kharma

Running with Kharma

I think they might be chaseable!

I think they might be chaseable!

The insult

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Your breeder has put this notice on Facebook saying how good all you pups are.

Am I mentioned?

No, not as such.

But I have my own blog!

I know, a bit of an insult really. Maybe he’s embarrassed about your lack of a ridge.

Not an issue for me. I know I’m pretty good-looking.

If not a touch vain. And you also excelled at your first puppy class but didn’t get a rosette like one of your brothers.

What’s a rosette?

A little flower-sort-of-thing made of ribbons.

Can you eat it?

Well, yes but it wouldn’t taste very nice.

Not much good to me but I bet I could shred it!

I don’t doubt it.

Understanding no

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Just me!

Just me!

Which part of no are you not getting?

It has parts?

No, but it does have a meaning.

Oh. Give me some clues.

Desist. Stop doing what you are doing. What you are doing is a bad idea. In short; NO!

Ah, I think I do get the gist of it sometimes.

But not very often. Would a bit of bribery help? It seems to work most places in Zimbabwe these days. Some little reward perhaps? Food?

Ah, yes. That sounds like a GREAT idea!

OK, we’ll work on it that way. Oh, and by the way, we are going to a puppy training class tomorrow morning.

Wow, that sounds great. Lots of puppies to play with!

Well, yes and no. There may be some of that but I think a lot of it is learning the meaning of no!

Zak the Destroyer

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I AM ZAK THE DESTROYER – TREMBLE IN FEAR ALL WHO CROSS MY PATH!

The washing basket, I see, has already fallen.

YES. THE DESTRUCTION CONTINUES APACE!

Hmm, now the shoes. Veritably they quiver. Call the Avengers.

AVENGERS WILL GROVEL IN TERROR. ZAK WILL CONQUER ALL!

Actually I think we could have the plot of the next Avengers movie here. A horde of Zak clones threatens the very fabric of American society until someone discovers the secret weapon.

THERE IS NO SECRET WEAPON. I FEAR NOTHING. I CHEW ALL WITH IMPUNITY.

Biltong.

Biltong? Where? Someone has biltong?

No. Just kidding but I am more than a bit concerned at your chewing capacity. And I wish you would not chew me. I long for the day that I can love you without you loving me to bits – literally.

Oh, I thought you had some biltong.

Destruction in his wake

Destruction in his wake

Without me?

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But you are going without me!

‘Fraid so.

Why?

There are things I have to do this afternoon where you’d be in the way.

But I would be good!

Hmm. Not so sure about that. I cannot rely on other people to catch you when I can’t!

Oh. So you will be back for walk time?

No. Much later. I am going to the opening of an art exhibition and I don’t think you are up to the crowds yet. Kharma will look after you. (And she did and you got into the fallen avocados in a big way!)

You are going without me?

You are going without me?